6 Reasons The Holidays Can Be Emotional & Addiction Triggers

It’s 5:50 pm on Sunday, November 29, 2020. Thanksgiving was last Thursday and it has been a quiet and restful long weekend at the Arches. Many of our clients have taken TL’s, therapeutic leaves, for the holiday and it is time to bring everyone back and hit the reset button.

We are also in the middle of Covid and most of our meetings are still via Zoom but tonight we will have a community meeting at the office so we can lay eyes on everyone, reconnect and share some good vibes from the holidays. I am excited to see the guys and hear the stories about their family time.

Over the past 14 years we have learned a lot about the emotional and addictive triggers that challenge many people in early stages of recovery. We start the holiday conversation and preparedness plans before Halloween with our clients to help them prepare and begin the mental preparedness it takes to make it through this time period.

Let’s face it. The holidays are challenging for everyone, regardless if you are struggling with addiction or not. The family dynamic, travel, money, loneliness if you don’t have family or can’t be with them, split families with kids and visitation and the list goes on. This year especially with Covid-19 massively changing lives and routines around the globe.

Those who are struggling with addiction and mental health issues and are early in their recovery journey have even more challenges during the holiday season. WHY? Because so much comes together at this time of the year. Here is a list of the top 6:

1. There is still a trust issue at hand. No matter how happy the family seems at the dinner table or opening presents, they are still in a space of not believing or “let’s wait and see” and are looking for any signs that things aren’t what they seem. They are hopeful but cautious and shell shocked and there might be times when they react or say things that make you feel untrusted or under the watchful eye.
   • Solution: When you understand that this is a possibility and at some point there might be some of these reactions from friends and family then you are prepared for it. If you go in expecting everything to be super trusting and like nothing ever happened then you will be caught off guard and more than likely react with a resentful and upset attitude that further perpetuates the situation. Understanding that it takes a lot of time to build trust and everything counts in the trust building phase. Being on time, quality time with your family, not on your cell phone all the time or hiding in your room or dipping out early. Be present and engaged and respectful.
2. There are lots of levers and buttons that can be pushed and pulled. Some of them don’t even have to be spoken. It could be a sound that is made or a glance that speaks volumes to each other and when those things occur there can be friction.
   • Solution: Much like number one it is important to be prepared for this to occur and recognize where it is coming from. Practice letting go. As long as you are making sure you are present and respectful then you don’t have to worry about what others might be thinking or implying. Sometimes we make things up in our heads as well and just staying in the present moment and not allowing yourself to project and over evaluate the situation can help you just let things go and carry on.
3. If it is a big family gathering maybe Uncle Mark loves to drink and usually gets sloshed before the Turkey is out of the oven. These triggers can be dangerous.
   • Solution: Have an exit plan. If you need to have a conversation with your mom about what you will do if Uncle Mark does what he usually does and that means you might leave early then have the conversation before Uncle Mark gets there. Then your mom will not think the worse about you and she can help you make your exit.
4. There is an embarrassment factor around the question of, ‘what are you doing now” and “where are you living” from the relatives.
   • Solution: This is not easy in the early stages of recovery. Your self-confidence and feeling like all eyes are on you is a tough time but know that everyone wants you to get better and usually when they find out you are on a path to recovery and you are exhibiting those behaviors of change and engaging with family and friends they are supportive and encouraging. Many times it is what we make up in our heads that we think people are thinking of us that is not really true. They love us and want us to get better and letting go of those negative thoughts is part of the practice of solid recovery.
5. The memories of past holidays being ruined or where you were during this time of the year last year can be a challenging memory to deal with.
   • Solution: Just this conversation was part of the meeting tonight. Last year the individual was in jail and this year seeing many family members for the first time this year was part of the thought process for this individual. The result was much like the solution for #4. Letting go of the negative thoughts and realizing everyone just wants us to get better and as long as we are exhibiting those qualities of change and growth our loved ones are supportive and excited for our possibilities and recovery. Remembering what it says in our literature: We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it is a very important part of our recovery. We are not who we are when we are using. That person does not walk the planet as long as recovery and honesty are present and the principles of the program are the guiding tools of your life. Letting those memories go and living in the present is how we live happy, joyous and free.
6. It’s the end of the year and dealing with another year passing has it’s challenges for all. Goals and dreams that might not be on track is tough to swallow at times.
   • Solution: Realizing the opportunities are endless when recovery is #1 is a must do. The beginning is now and dwelling on the past is not going to be as asset in our lives. When we live to be of maximum service to our fellow man it keeps me in the present moment. This is the dawning of a new life that has endless possibilities. Embrace it and keep moving forward. The new year is a new opportunity to achieve all you want and more. Setting some goals and making a plan can help you stay focused on now and what opportunities are in your future.

In fact that is what our meeting tonight will be about. Sharing of each individuals core values and one goal for 2021 and how it will impact their life if the goal is reached. The focus will be on some good positive mindset and forward thinking about living a powerful life.

So many people ask what we do here. What is your program like? Our program is a culmination of over 14 years of experience and knowledge of supporting men and women who are in a struggle to change their lives. We get in the trenches with them and encourage them to keep reaching for the edge and pull themselves out of the hole.

This is a living program designed around the 12 steps with a whole lotta love and self-development intensives to give the individual the tools they need to stay sober and thrive in their lives.

If this impacted you in any way or you would like more information on our living program please call us at (404) 991.3575.